This week my family suffered a loss. My uncle passed away unexpectedly and his wife, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and extended family are all suffering. I have always struggled with how best to convey my condolences and what I can do to help lighten the load. For me, my coping mechanism when faced with mourning is to be of service. I hope that this helps you~ Jen

When someone we care about experiences the loss of a loved one, it’s incredibly difficult to know what to say or do. No words can take away the pain, and grief can feel isolating. Yet, offering condolences and support can provide some comfort during such an overwhelming time. The tricky part? Striking the right balance between offering sympathy and being genuinely helpful without unintentionally making the situation harder.

If you're unsure how to approach a grieving friend or family member, don’t worry, you’re not alone. It’s normal to feel a little lost when navigating this kind of conversation. Below, I’ll share some practical advice on how to express condolences with sincerity and how to offer meaningful help, without overstepping.

Express Your Sympathy with Heartfelt Words

When you’re not sure what to say, a simple, genuine message is usually best. The most important thing is that your words come from the heart. You don’t need to come up with something profound—what matters is letting them know you're thinking of them and sharing in their sorrow. Here are a few examples of what you might say:

“I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.”
“I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, but I’m here if you need anything.”
“I’m thinking of you during this incredibly difficult time. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need support.”

It’s easy to fall into the trap of offering clichés like, “They’re in a better place” or “It was their time,” but for many, these phrases don’t offer the comfort you may intend. Instead, focus on acknowledging the pain and letting the person know you’re there for them.

Offer a Listening Ear

Grief is a very personal journey, and sometimes the best thing you can offer is simply to listen. Often, people just need someone who will sit with them and listen to their feelings without judgment or unsolicited advice. It’s not always about saying the “right” thing—it’s about offering presence and a safe space to process their emotions.

Let them share what they’re feeling or what they miss most about their loved one. If they don’t feel like talking, that’s okay too, just letting them know you’re there when they’re ready can make all the difference.

A phrase like, “I’m here if you want to talk or if you need some company,” can be just as comforting as offering specific solutions.

Be Specific About How You Can Help

While you might genuinely want to help, grieving people can find it difficult to reach out for support. Instead of offering a vague, “Let me know if you need anything,” try being more specific. Offering concrete assistance can take some of the burden off their shoulders, especially if they’re overwhelmed by everything on their plate.

For example:

“Can I drop off dinner tomorrow?”
“Would it be helpful if I watched the kids for a couple of hours?”
“I’d be happy to help with errands or picking up groceries if that would help you right now.”

By offering tangible support, you're making it easier for them to accept help. And if they decline, don't take it personally, they may just need space or time to process things.

Follow Through with the Offer

Sometimes, grieving people may not immediately take you up on your offer of help, and that’s okay. Keep checking in, but without pressuring them. You can say something like, “I’m still happy to help with anything, even if it’s just to listen. Please don’t hesitate to reach out when you feel ready.”

And if you’ve offered to do something specific (like bringing food or running an errand), follow through. It’s easy to say, “I’ll be here if you need me,” but sometimes actually doing is what counts.

Respect Their Space and Boundaries

Grief doesn’t have a timeline, and it often doesn’t look the way we think it will. Everyone processes loss differently, and it’s essential to respect their need for space and solitude. If they want to be alone, honor that, but let them know you’re still there when they’re ready.

Some people may find solace in keeping their daily routines, while others may need time to retreat and focus inward. Whatever their approach, make sure they know that you respect their process and are there for them when they’re ready for support.

Offer Continued Support Long After the Funeral

In the weeks and months after the funeral, the initial outpouring of support often starts to fade. But grief doesn’t disappear—it lingers. People may be struggling quietly and may feel forgotten. This is an important time to reach out again and offer ongoing support.

A simple message like, “I’m thinking of you today. I know it’s been a little while, but I’m here for you,” can remind them they’re not alone.

Even months later, your support will still be meaningful, especially when they’re still learning how to navigate life without their loved one.

Consider Offering Comfort in Small Ways

It’s the small things that can often make the biggest impact. If you can, consider sending a thoughtful gesture such as:

A handwritten note: Sometimes, putting your condolences into a card or a letter can be a cherished keepsake. Write about how much their loved one meant to you, and share your favourite memory of them.
A care package: If you know what they like, send a care package filled with comforting items, like their favourite snacks, a cozy blanket, or a self-care kit.
A plant or flowers: A bouquet or potted plant can offer a little brightness and symbolize life and growth, even in a difficult time

In the first year after a loss, there are often key dates that can be especially hard—birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. Reaching out on these dates can show that you haven’t forgotten their loss. A simple text or card saying, “I know today might be tough. I’m here for you if you need anything” can go a long way in offering support.

The Power of Compassion

When you’re supporting someone who’s grieving, it’s important to remember that there’s no perfect way to grieve or a “perfect” thing to say. Grief is complicated, messy, and highly individual. What helps one person might not help another, and that’s okay. The most important thing is your genuine compassion, willingness to listen, and offer support in whatever way feels right for them.

Simply showing up—whether physically, emotionally, or with a thoughtful gesture—is enough. You don’t have to have all the answers; sometimes, just your presence is all someone needs to feel a little less alone during one of the hardest times of their life.

So, whether it's with a meal, a listening ear, or a simple check-in text, remember: kindness, patience, and thoughtfulness will never go out of style when offering condolences to those mourning the loss of a loved one.

How to Express Condolences and Be Truly Helpful to Those Mourning a Loss